The EFT Healing Centre Blog
February 8, 2012
Self love. Intriguing. What comes to mind?
Do any of these statements sound familiar:
‘With everything going on, my needs didn’t seem to matter’
‘I’m not used to focusing on myself – it seems selfish’
‘I’ve always put my family first because that’s what my mother did’
If any of these comments resonate for you, you’re not alone. It’s ingrained within us to look after others first and put ourselves second, because that’s the ‘right thing to do’. To consider our needs for a moment may appear selfish.
So with Valentine’s Day around the corner, and thoughts of love, relationships, connectedness and acknowledgement of another for the joy they bring you, where is the acknowledgement of yourself? Where is the self love?
It’s easy to put the focus on others. We may consider someone’s needs and push ourselves to look after their needs, forgetting about our own needs in the process. Or we may compare ourselves to someone else’s successes and fixate on what they’re accomplishing, or what they have.
All this keeps us very small, unfulfilled and disconnected from ourselves. How can we stay true to ourselves and our needs when we are constantly focusing outwards?
If there is any resistance coming up for you as you read this, any thoughts of how selfish it would be to think of yourself, then I encourage you to consider how you can prioritize yourself as much as them. What would it take to give yourself as much time as you give them? What would that feel like?
Write down any thoughts or feelings coming up for you right now, and then use the following tapping transcript to ease you into a little more self love:
Even though I’m not used to considering MY needs, I want to accept myself anyway
Even though I’ve always put their needs first, I’m open to the possibility that my needs are just as important so I’m willing to take a moment to think about what I need
Even though it’s selfish to think about my needs, I’m ready to forgive myself for the conflict I’m experiencing now
Head: I’ve always put them first
Eyebrow: it seemed right to do that
Side of eye: I didn’t even consider what I needed
Under eye: that would have been selfish
Under nose: I’ve given so much to them
Chin: and I forgot about me
Collarbone: and now seems like the perfect time to change this
Under arm: I deserve to feel safe enough to prioritise myself alongside them
Liver: I am ready to support myself the way that I’ve supported them
Wrists: It’s time to re-connect with me, and what I need, and that feels right in this moment.
Take a moment to write down any thoughts or feelings that came up as you tapped, and then tap on those for deeper resolution.
January 4, 2012
Happy New Year to you! How is your 2012 so far? What commitments have you made for the year ahead? What changes will take place in your life this year? And what are you doing about being more YOU?
Allow me to explain.
At the beginning of a new year, a lot of advice is flying around … how you can look different; how you can feel different; what you can accomplish; how successful you can be in various areas of your life, and … and …
Ugh! Even considering all of that de-energizes me and jangles my nervous system!
In the past, I felt a heavy burden in the New Year to accomplish, to succeed, to change. I ended up overwhelmed and overstretched. I expected way too much of myself, I set unrealistic goals, and I slipped into procrastination.
Does that pattern sound familiar to you?
When I’m mentoring my students, I encourage them to stretch themselves, to the point of feeling uncomfortable, but there needs to be a balance. When we’re only focused on where we need to go, it’s easy to overlook where we’ve already been and what’s already been accomplished.
Perhaps we should spend a little bit of time on simply “being more YOU!”
In our zeal to grow we sometimes forget what it is that we are growing – it is the fundamental core of who we are, that which sets us apart from others, that which defines our values, that which gifts each of us with a YOUniqueness. There is plenty of good there, some of it coaxed, some of it instilled, some still hidden waiting for your approval.
This year, rather than only focusing on who you could be and what needs to change, I encourage you to spend time considering how you can be more YOU, and who you are already.
Take a moment to consider these questions:
1. This year, how can I be even more me (not who they want me to be; not who I think I ‘should’ be)?
2. What are the skills and gifts I possess which naturally attract people to me?
3. What will it take for me to be completely authentic in any given moment?
When you have your answers, notice any limiting beliefs or negative self talk which arises, and use EFT on those dis-empowering thoughts.
Honour who you are by being more you this year. Celebrate your gifts and strengths. Respect yourself for what you have to offer the world and the world will respond in kind.
November 9, 2011
Being present, here, in the moment is how we experience and live life to its fullest. I know that. You know that.
But … do you ever feel like you’re juggling about 15 balls at once? It’s hard to be “present” to be “here” when there is so much internal ‘stuff’ going on; such a long ‘to do’ list, so many things that need your attention.
Last week, I was talking to my EFT friend, Tami Close, about being present and what that means. She reminded me that when children are at school and the attendance register is read out, they are asked to call out, “Here!” That got me thinking about what it means to be ‘here’ and what we miss out on when we are not fully ‘here’ in a given moment.
There’s been a lot going on for me recently: organizing and hosting the EFT Gathering in Vancouver, holding my AAMET workshops, and preparing for Sharon King’s Matrix & Birth Reimprinting workshops in a few weeks. Although I’ve been juggling those balls, when it’s time to work with my clients, I am fully ‘here’ and for each 90 minute session, I am present and connected to them. Everything else goes over ‘there’.
With the holidays approaching, and all the balls that need to be juggled, I thought the following tapping would be useful.
Even though I can’t focus on one task, I accept myself anyway
Even though there are too many balls to juggle and I don’t know what to do first, I am doing my best and I accept myself
Even though it’s hard to be fully present in any moment, I’m willing to be as present as I can be and maybe that’s enough
Top of head: I’m not fully ‘here’
Eyebrow: there is so much to think about
Side of eye: so much to accomplish
Under eye: I feel out of balance
Under nose: I’m not present
Chin: I wonder what it would take to be in balance
Collarbone: I wonder what it would take to be present, just for a moment
Under arm: I deserve to experience that sensation
Liver: I’m ready to find it surprisingly easy to be ‘here’
Wrists: and to observe what that is like, even for a moment.
Now close your eyes and take a deep but comfortable breath. You might need to repeat this process or feel free to change the wording so it applies to how you really feel. The phrases you use are simply a way of outwardly expressing how you’re feeling. You don’t need to be creative or get hung up on finding the “perfect” wording – just state what’s on your mind.
The art of juggling balls is not only the ability to keep them up in the air, but to give each landing ball your touch and acknowledgement of its “being present – being here” right at your fingertips whether that be for 90 minutes or nine!
October 6, 2011
To all my Canadian readers: Happy Thanksgiving! And to everyone: Thank YOU for taking time to read my monthly newsletters and for emailing me with your comments and ideas.
During my EFT Level 1 class last month, we discussed Gratitude Tapping in front of the mirror. As now is the time to give thanks and celebrate our family, friends, and what we have in our lives, I thought there would be no better time to do some Gratitude Tapping!
Sit in front of the mirror and ground yourself. Notice your breath; notice what the chair feels like under you; notice where your hands are placed. Take a deep breath in through the top of your head and imagine a beautiful white light moving down through your body, down into the ground. As you breathe out, imagine roots growing out from the soles of your feet into the earth below.
Think of all the things that are happening in your life for which you are grateful; all the people in your life; all the opportunities, and the lifestyle you have.
Open your eyes and look into the mirror. Connect with yourself and see the person staring back at you. Notice how that feels – you may want to make a few notes about that.
Now start tapping each point, starting at the top of your head, and as you tap each point, state something for which you are grateful. This could be how you look, how you feel, how your life is going, who’s in your life, things you possess, places you’ve been, etc.
Repeat this process for several rounds of tapping. If you get stuck, give thanks for your body: how it supports you and digests your food, etc.
I guarantee your vibration will have shifted by the end of this exercise and you’ll feel energised! You may even surprise yourself by the amount of things you have to be grateful for!
Yours in Gratitude … Annabel
September 9, 2011
The simple act of clearing clutter from your environment can bring balance into your life.
Recently, I recorded a podcast with Scott on Clearing the Clutter and what causes the clutter in the first place.
Clutter has different levels: from general mess and disorganization in the home, office or car, to an unwillingness to throw away things, to not clearing up after yourself, and a messy appearance, to complete chaos. The final level is usually when the person feels unable to do anything about the situation, and is frozen.
Whenever I get really busy, my office becomes the place in which everything piles up: post-it notes everywhere, piles of hand written notes, and to do lists. This sucks my energy and I know it actually slows down the way I work. On the plus side, I have a visual of what needs to be done in front of me, so there’s a sense of being ‘in control’.
Did you know that most usually, clutter is a control issue?
Being unwilling to let go of ‘stuff’ is a way for someone to feel in control of at least a part of their life, although to an observer, it could appear as though they are totally out of control.
And this is where EFT comes in.
Clutter is the symptom, as is the loss of control, or fears around letting go of the ‘stuff’, so we need to get to the underlying cause and neutralize that.
With EFT, we can go back to the beginning, and determine the time when the person started to feel a loss of control, or power, and tap around that time.
So, if you know you are hoarding things and you want to feel a sense of freedom do the following:
- Consider a time or series of events in the past when you felt powerless, traumatized, or fearful – a time in which you felt like you had no control.
- Give that time a title and notice how your body feels as you recall it, and what the intensity level is (SUDs).
- Tap on that time until you feel you have released all the negative emotions associated with it, and you feel neutral about what happened.
- Then focus on the current clutter in your life and if any fears come up around letting go of the ‘stuff’ then tap on those fears.
- Then decide on what it is that you want: how do you want your home/office/car/appearance to look? Write it down.
- Consider how you’d feel when you have what you want. Really get specific, so rather than “I’d feel happy”, how about “free, exhilarated, determined, motivated” and so on. Write down your answers.
- Now think about how your life would be different when you have what you want: What would you be able to accomplish? How would you perceive the world? Write down all the answers that come up for you.
- Read aloud what you’ve written down and notice any body responses as you hear your words, and especially notice any tail-enders that come up. For example, “that would never happen because…”, or “the last time I lived my life like that, this negative event happened…”.
- Then tap on all those things standing in your way, blocking you from living a clutter-free life.
- When you have neutralized those, read through your statement again and notice if anything comes up which could impede your success and tap away those remaining tail-enders.
Now you are free to start enjoying a life free of clutter!
August 11, 2011
On Monday I had a really brilliant talk with personal energy management expert, Monica Milas, on my bi-monthly radio show. We were discussing a topic which is really close to my heart – how to set healthy boundaries using EFT.
Monica talked about energy-draining behaviours that were developed in childhood to keep us safe which then grow into unconscious patterns in adulthood which are not useful. These include pleasing/placating, avoiding, blaming, or rationalizing.
I felt like I could have talked to Monica for hours! She was giving such rich information, and a lot of light bulbs were going off for me – occasions when I’d blamed someone, completely avoided a situation, or put myself second in order to please “them”. All ways, in my subconscious mind, of setting boundaries, when in fact, I was just building walls.
Does that sound familiar?
I was reminded of a talk I gave in February, “Finding Your Voice Using EFT” at the Tappers Gathering in Washington. It fits in so well with what Monica was discussing with me because it was all about setting boundaries. I wanted to share with you the exercise I showed the audience, plus the tapping we did together as a group.
- Take pen & paper
- Take a moment to consider: Who, in your past, were you unable to say “no” to?
- Think of a specific time when you couldn’t say “no” to this person
- Give that time a title
- Write down how you felt at the time
- Why did you feel that way…was it a look…was it a gesture…or specific words?
- What did that mean to you?
- Can you recall how your body felt in that moment?
- What beliefs were created in that moment?
Write down all the information and keep the picture in your mind as you tap using the following as a guide:
Even though I was afraid I’d offend them if I said “no”, I want to accept myself anyway
Even though I believed they wouldn’t love me if I said “no”, I want to accept all of me, especially the part of me which had to say “yes”
Even though it was easier to compromise, I want to forgive myself for doing my best
Even though I felt uncomfortable setting boundaries and honouring myself, I’m willing to treat myself with a little more kindness
Top of head: I was afraid to say “no”
Eyebrow: they might have abandoned me
Side of eye: they might have become angry
Under eye: it felt too uncomfortable to say “no”
Under nose: it was easier to compromise my needs
Chin: I lost my voice
Collarbone: and I want to forgive myself for that
Under arm: it’s time to reclaim my voice
Liver: I’m letting go of feeling the need to compromise
Wrists: and I’m open to the possibility I can use my voice and still be loved
Now close your eyes and take a deep but comfortable breath. You might need to repeat this process or feel free to change the wording so it applies to how you really feel. The phrases you use are simply a way of outwardly expressing how you’re feeling. You don’t need to be creative or get hung up on finding the “perfect” wording – just state what’s on your mind.
June 30, 2011
When we use EFT, much of our success depends on the words we use as we tap.
When my clients are new to EFT, they will often say, “I don’t know what to say when I tap!” It’s been my experience over the years that they don’t know what to say because they launch into the tapping process without doing the detective work that is necessary beforehand.
Have you ever had this experience? You start with the set-up phrase, and the words are flowing nicely, and then as you start to tap the points on the body, you run out of things to say?
You’re not alone!
Many things in life require preparation: a wonderful meal can take hours of chopping, mixing, baking, and steaming, before it is ready to be served; and a beautiful melody can take days of thought, practice, and fine tuning, before it is ready to be played. The same is true of EFT. It is an incredibly simple protocol to use AND there is some ground work that is necessary before the practical application starts.
So, before you start to tap, grab a pen and paper, and be prepared to write down your thoughts and feelings.
Here are some questions for you to answer which will help you get clear, and give you more than enough to say as you tap:
1. What is the problem?
Remember to be specific here: my EFT colleague, Alina Frank, talks about the Who, What, When, and Where of the problem.
For example, ‘my boss yelled at me this morning in front of my co-workers’.
As opposed to ‘my boss always makes me feel small and unimportant’, which will have multiple aspects since it happens on a regular basis.
2. How does that feel in my body?
For example, ‘my stomach is churning’, ‘my shoulders are tight’, or ‘my solar plexus is numb’.
This is a useful way of checking to see if the problem is resolving – the body will start to relax as you tap, and the sensations will ease.
3. What is the emotion I feel now about that problem?
For example, angry, belittled, disrespected, betrayed, etc.
4. If the feeling was a picture, what would it look like?
For example, ‘a storm’, ‘a black scribble on a white page’, ‘an empty grey ball’
This is useful for people who learn visually. You may recall a picture you have seen, or you may draw a picture in your mind. Whatever comes up, write it down.
Now you have a lot of content to use as you start tapping. It’s all written down in front of you, so all you have to do is refer to your notes as you tap.
I also suggest you ask this question:
What does this problem remind me of?
Your boss yelling at you might remind you of your teacher embarrassing you in class when you were 8, so it’s important to go back to that memory and use the same questions so that you can tap on that memory also.
Now you have done the detective work, you are prepared for tapping, and your success rate will soar. Also, because you have something to say as you tap, you’ll want to tap – and there will be no resistance!
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June 20, 2011
What happens when you’ve cleared a long standing problem with EFT?
Most usually there is a feeling of ease, relief, excitement and even curiosity. Sometimes, it’s as if a void is left in its place. It’s almost as if there is a gap; something is missing now.
The heavy coat. In one of my podcasts recently, Scott and I talked about the gap that is sometimes felt after successful tapping. I suggested it was similar to wearing a thick, heavy coat all winter and spring, so it started to feel like a heavy burden. Then suddenly throwing the coat off in a matter of seconds, so there was an unexpected weightlessness, which felt uncomfortable because it was not familiar.
So, what happens if you guess there probably will be a sense of weightlessness, space or unfamiliarity, once you’ve cleared problems with EFT? That may be enough to prevent you from tapping in the first place! Questions, (AKA resistance!) may arise in your mind.
- Who will I be once I let this problem go completely?
- What if it’s not safe to NOT be angry/grieving/stressed, etc?
- I’ll lose my current identity, and then what will they think?
If these types of questions or concerns come into your mind, write down the answers, and then use that information to tap on. Whatever you’ve written down is probably the reason why you are stuck, still experiencing that memory or limiting belief.
Remember, what we resist, persists. The problem will remain if we are unable to acknowledge it and address it.
Two strong emotions that can be challenging to release are anger and grief.
Here’s something I hear about grief quite a lot from clients: “I have to continue grieving in order to honour the person and acknowledge who they were”.
A good reframe for this as we tap is: Could I joyfully honour the person? Could I acknowledge them in a heartfelt way which brings me joy?
Often I’ll hear this about anger: “I can’t let go of the anger; otherwise they will have won”.
A useful consideration for this as we tap is: Does it have to be about winning? By holding on to this anger, I’m punishing myself and they aren’t even aware of how I’m feeling! What if I could “win” by letting go?
Once you let go of a longstanding emotion, there may be space, or gap which is left. To ensure it’s not filled up with a different stressor, tap in some positive reinforcements, acknowledging the courage it’s taken to release the past; how determined you are; how you love feeling free; how calm and confident you are, and so on.
Be mindful of the gap that is left, and fill that void with healthy acknowledgements of who you are and what you are capable of. Allow your body to feel what it’s like to hear those positive affirmations, and experience the joy!
May 26, 2011
Last week I went in search of finding the balance … that fine but crucial line between work and play, noise and quiet, adrenaline rush and inner peace. I needed it.
After the busy-ness of the past few weeks – teaching two workshops and then attending the Matrix Reimprinting Training with Sasha – I took myself off for a few days to a cabin in WA, owned by my EFT friend, Tami Close. She calls it her Perfect Place of Peace, and I couldn’t argue with that!
As soon as I drove up the very steep hill to get to the cabin, all the ‘fullness’ and ‘non-stopness’ of the previous weeks slipped away. The air was so fresh and clean, I could hear bird song, could see snow-capped mountains and a crystal blue lake. I immediately felt energized.
Tami and I talked quite a lot about achieving balance amidst the fullness of life, and what it means for our health and well-being to recognize that balance is essential, otherwise in some way or another, we will crash – either physically, mentally or emotionally. Having both experienced serious illnesses in the past, we could speak from experience!
So with this in mind, I thought the following tapping would be useful, especially if you’re juggling a heavy work load and wanting some balance.
Even though life is so busy and there’s no time for me, I want to accept myself anyway
Even though I crave some sort of balance but I don’t know how to make time for it, I want to accept all of me because I’m doing my best
Even though I don’t have the opportunity in my life to take any time for me because there’s already so much to do, I’m willing to treat myself with a little more kindness
Head: there’s no balance in my life
Eyebrow: where’s the ‘Me Time’?
Side of eye: there’s so much to do
Under eye: so much to take care of
Under nose: I’m feeling resentful and unheard
Chin: I really want some balance
Collarbone: and I’m unsure how to achieve it right now
Under arm: so I’m willing to honour the conflict I’m feeling
Liver: and treat myself with some compassion
Wrists: because under the circumstances, I’m doing my best.
When you’ve tapped through this a couple of times, write down some of the ways you’d LOVE to have balance in your life currently, e.g. time to read each day, time for a bath each evening, or time to go for an evening walk. When you read the list, notice any self-talk or resistance that arises, and note that down, and then tap on that. You deserve balance so you can achieve your fullest potential, rather than run on empty every day!
May 20, 2011
Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you simply can’t relate to the people around you or what they’re saying, and you feel completely misunderstood? Perhaps that’s how you feel on a daily basis within your family, or when you’re at work.
From the email feedback I received after my complimentary teleclass last week, “Celebrating the Highly Sensitive Personality”, this seemed to be a common way to feel.
During the teleclass, we talked about and tapped on what it’s like to not fit in and feel unaccepted because other people don’t “get” us. We dissolved the sadness surrounding all this, and celebrated our ability to feel deeply and listen to, and trust, our intuition.
For as long as I can remember I’ve felt like a square peg in a round hole. Through using EFT I now recognise this as a unique gift which allows me to see the world from a different perspective and I hope, use that different perspective to reframe situations for my clients.
The following tapping transcript incorporates some of the thoughts shared on the teleclass which may be helpful to you.
Top of head: I don’t fit in
Eyebrow: People don’t understand me
Side of eye: Just because I feel things so deeply
Under eye: they think something’s wrong with me
Under nose: They just don’t get me
Chin: I’m hurting because of this
Collarbone: and I end up criticising myself
Under arm: Maybe there is something wrong with me
Top of head: No, there isn’t!
Eyebrow: There is something very right with me!
Side of eye: It’s right that I care about things this much
Under eye: It’s good I feel so deeply
Under nose: I want to appreciate these parts of me
Chin: and acknowledge them as gifts
Collarbone: Because I’m so intuitive
Under arm: others will benefit from my strengths
Now close your eyes and take a deep but comfortable breath. You might need to repeat this process or feel free to change the wording so it applies to how you really feel. The phrases you use are simply a way of outwardly expressing how you’re feeling. You don’t need to be creative or get hung up on finding the “perfect” wording – just state what’s on your min