"I don't want to tap!" Shaking up the resistance to change
Sometimes it's easier to give attention to what we don't want in our lives rather than what we do want. We focus on our lack of money, what annoys us about a family member, or how unhealthy we feel after eating a "comfort" food. If we make a definitive decision to focus on what we do want, powerful fears can arise about making the necessary changes.
For example, "If I have money, I'll have to be responsible", or "I'm used to criticizing him so I can't stop", or " if I stop eating these cookies every evening, I'll have to face what's missing in my life".
One of the biggest responses to the possibility of change is 'Who would I be without this _____________________ [extra weight, lack of money, illness, pain, addiction, anger, hurt, etc]? This is a frightening consideration because it is the weight, illness, anger, etc which may well define us. It's who we've become; our identity.
Only this morning I was working with a client and we very successfully neutralized some horribly painful childhood memories. Then she considered, "I'm just wondering who I am without these memories". It was almost as if a part of her being had been removed. I suggested she might want to consider that thought with curiosity instead of fear, and we started to tap on all the things she would be able to think, feel and achieve as a result of letting go of those debilitating memories.
Our subconscious mind wants to keep us safe and is very resistant to change. So, even if the possibility of change feels exciting and new, the subconscious will probably do it's upmost to keep us firmly rooted in where we are now because now is safe and familiar. Also, there's a pay-off for the subconscious to hold on to the familiar: it feels a need to hold on to where we are now.
Luckily, with EFT we have a tool which can override the stubborn subconscious. When we tap on our limiting beliefs, traumatic memories and pain, we shift our perspective, gently allowing our subconscious to consider change. However, what happens when we are resistant to tapping? What if we feel obligated to tap and as a result, deliberately avoid tapping?
Well, firstly I suggest it's important to accept and forgive ourselves. If you don't want to tap today - don't! If you don't want to tap tomorrow, accept yourself anyway. If you don't want to tap the next day, then you might want to consider why. Who will you be when you let go of the weight, illness, pain, emotional anxiety? Perhaps it's too threatening to consider this and it's easier to stay where you are - no wonder you don't want to tap!
If you are reluctant to tap and you're not sure why, then try the following phrases.
With your dominant hand, tap the karate chop point on the other hand while saying the following:
"Even though I know tapping can help me, there's a part of me that doesn't want to tap and I want to accept myself anyway
Even though I don't understand why I'm resistant to tapping, I choose to be open to the possibility I'm afraid of change, and I want to forgive myself for this
Even though maybe I don't deserve to change, I do deserve to accept the part of me that doesn't want to tap."
Now tap the following places while saying each of the phrases below:
Top of head: I don't want to tap!
eyebrow: I know it could help
side of eye: what's stopping me?
under eye: what if I change too much because of the tapping?
under nose: who would I be?
chin: I feel threatened by the possibility of changing
collarbone: and that's why I'm resistant to tapping
under arm: I'm afraid to tap regularly
top of head: I want to enjoy the freedom that tapping offers me
eyebrow: I want to make a commitment to my healing
side of eye: I deserve to feel safe enough to tap when I choose to
under eye: I don't have to feel obligated to tap
under nose: I choose to feel excited when I use EFT
chin: and consider all the possibilities on offer to me
collarbone: I'm starting to feel curious about who I could be without this problem
under arm: I deserve to change now
Disclaimer: In tapping along to this transcript, you take full responsibility for your health and well being.
About the author: Annabel Fisher is a licensed NLP Practitioner and runs a successful EFT practice. Find relief from pain, chronic illness, fears and phobias, headaches and migraines, weight issues and more through EFT. Get your free "The Essentials of EFT Guide" plus one-hour EFT Q&A audio recording by signing up for her newsletter at: www.theefthealingcentre.com.